Almost 35 Weeks Belly & Pregnant Ramblings

This is a long post, so if you just want to see the belly pictures, scroll to the bottom. (:

On Thursday, Kendi's movements seemed drastically decreased to me and I worried all day. It wasn't getting any better, so on Friday morning I called the doctor and they sent us for a stress test. You sit in a really comfy chair and they put monitors on your belly. Then, every time the baby moves, you hit a button. If the heart rate goes up during movement, the baby is doing good, not under stress. If it goes down during movement, then the baby is under stress and then I guess they would try to figure out why and if necessary, get the baby out. Anyhow, Kendi is just fine and her heart rate was increasing when she moved, like it should. I really thought she was ok, but I knew that if I didn't go and it turned out that there was something wrong and something happened to her, I would be devastated that I could have done something, but didn't. I think it's better to play it safe and know for sure. I don't know why she has slowed down so much, maybe she's tired from growing so much! I remember getting growing pains when I was little, so I wonder if babies in the womb get growing pains since they are growing so rapidly. Who knows?

I sure do love this baby with all my heart already! I can't even imagine how I'll feel when I get to hold her and look at her for the first time. Amid the hormonal mood swings, aches, pains, and all the other yucky things about pregnancy, it's easy to get discouraged sometimes. But, you know that to hold that sweet tiny baby will make it all disappear in an instant. I remember last summer how sad I was about the 2 miscarriages that I'd had. It's hard not knowing if you'll ever be able to hold your own baby, that's a part of you and part of the person that you love. But more than that, I was just so so sad about my 2 babies that I couldn't see or hold, and I was afraid that if I got pregnant again that it would be the same story all over again. It's not just that you want a baby, it's that you don't want to lose a baby. I hope that makes sense. We were doing a camp at Zephyr Encampment near Corpus and it was just so heavy on my heart. I decided to read the passage about Hannah in the Bible that had encouraged me before. This time, what stuck out to me was different. This is what I felt like God wanted me to focus on (after Hannah had wept and prayed that God would give her a child) 1 Sam 1:17-18 "Eli answered, 'Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes.' Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast." I knew God was telling me that it was time to stop focusing on my loss and to focus on his provision instead. I felt a peace that God was going to provide us, somehow with what he wanted us to have. At the time, I didn't know exactly what that meant. I didn't necessarily think that his answer would be to allow me to get and stay pregnant. I thought He might let us adopt, or that he might lead us down another road that would have us doing something other than starting a family right away. There were definitely still times of sadness for me, even after I felt that peace, but it wasn't ever that same horrible feeling that I can't really even describe. And God's way of providing for us turned out to be our sweet baby girl, Kendi! I'm so grateful for her and for my wonderful husband who has been an amazing friend and gargantuan encouragement all along the way.

Alright, here they are - belly pics. Whoa, whoa whoa, I didn't even realize how big it was until I saw the pics. (: I'm sure some of you who have already had kids could say, aww that's nothing, but when it's your first baby and you had no idea your body could stretch like that, it's pretty amazing!